Why Oh Why?

I have a confession to make. Even though it's been the Easter season and God has been awesome through it all; I have wanted to avoid going to Him in prayer. It just didn't 'feel' right! Oh I went, and I prayed, and I felt He even spoke to my heart; but it wasn't right! It was like speaking to a parent that you know still loves you; but there's like this invisible wall that's there. Ok, I'll say it, it's like they are not really all that happy with you. That's how I felt. Good thing I know I can't trust my feelings!
Anyway, God sort of chewed on me on Monday about avoiding Him, when all he wanted was for me to return to the way it used to be. You see, I've been the one holding out on Him. Not intentionally; but still, at the same time, I did know. You see, I stopped looking at Him with all my heart, and I started to look at people. And, I know better, because whenever I do, I get discouraged. At 1st I think I'm discouraged because of the people. But that isn't the truth. I get discouraged because in them I see me; and what I really need to see in me is Jesus.
Why oh why do any of us ever go there; or am I all alone in this journey?
Anyway, like I said, He's been on my case about it every time I would go and pray, so this morning I took the time to sit and listen. Then I cried! Why does He love us so much when we do Him so wrong?
He reminded me of the way it was when I 1st started being a pastor, how I would walk to the church whistling and singing His praise. I even had the guy who lived next door to the church come by one day to find out what I was so happy about every morning because he couldn't figure it out. Wasn't too long after that he was whistling and singing too! I so-o-o want to get back to being that guy, that pastor again! Today, Christ reminded me how. I haven't felt the best today; but my heart is ready again for tomorrow and His joy fills my soul tonight as I head home. I'm ready to sing again, because I'm looking at the right Person. Why oh why do we ever stop?!
PJ